Levels of drunkenness.

I've done some stupid things.

Hilarious, but stupid.

About 95% of these mishaps are the direct result from me being wasted. That being said, I thought I may let you know about what it's like in the mind of Chris Miller when he's becoming drunk.

Tipsy is the stage when the room begins to get warmer and I start getting bored no matter what my friends and I are doing. That fat girl in the corner is slowly losing weight and I loosen up and talk to people. I can never hold in my shots, but this is my stage where I begin to think I'm invincible, therefor inevitably causing me to get sick later. Honestly, the nicest mood you'll ever find me in is probably in this stage.

Drunk is the stage where I begin to become loud. I begin picking on people, no matter who they are. I am now shamelessly flirting with the elephant in the corner as a backup in case the hot girl doesn't work out. It is at this point that I begin to bother people and piss them off to the point when they go away. Basic motor skills are deteriorating. No matter what alcohol is set in front of me, I am downing it like I need it to fucking survive.

Fucked-in-half is a term coined by Tucker Max, and a great one at that. Now not only am I loud and disruptive, but I make goddamn sure everyone around me knows that I am Chris fucking Miller. In this stage, I become a superhuman asshole. I have laid waste to parties and egos alike. As much as my friends may warn me about things, I tend to simply reassure them that I am God and everything will be okay. Unfortunately, this is hardly ever the case, considering that I usually continue drinking. I can no longer walk correctly and all basic motor functions are essentially shot, not to mention driving. Typically, it is about this time that I find a place to vomit.

Blacked out or Chris Miller drunk (as my friends have come to call it) is the most advanced stage of my drunkenness. This can only be achieved through one specific way- giving me too much alcohol over a short period of time when I am in my "Fucked-in-half" stage, where I then vomit. Believe it or not, not once have I blacked out without first vomiting, so it is apparently a very vital part of the process. Immediately after puking, I am gone. The bars are off, and I could do anything. My friends have made a nasty habit out of making bets after I throw up on what I will do next. Here are some examples of what I've done on some nights of my life I will never remember:

-Wandered around Lake Sommerville, falling in at several places and inviting myself into at least a dozen R.Vs looking for more liquor.
-Lost my pants only to find them 3 hours later.
-Woken up in several cars, not to mention beds, that weren't mine (sometimes naked, mind you).
-Slipped and fallen in my own urine and vomit, only to lay there because I couldn't lift myself up.
-Attempted to shower, only to get naked then pass out on the toilet. Two hours later, my friends would get worried and come in after me, then run away horrified that I am naked.
-Wrestled with random housemates, bashing my head against wall.
-Made fun of everyone within my range of vision, which has gotten me hurt many times, though I don't remember any of them.
-Puked in many houses, only to frame other people and get away with it.

I won't lie. Things tend to get out of hand when I have to much to drink. But hell, what is college for, right?